Okay, now when I was 14-16 years old, I dedicated myself to religion and meditation, and spent a lot of the time studying different philosophies. I am unsure where this technique originated from, as I learned it from a priest a Wicca coven I often interacted with. It can be used for any form of meditation, be it just emptying the mind or focusing. Basically hold your hands forward like you are holding a ball. Now focus your energy into it, just focus on the ball, and believe there IS a ball there. Hold it, hold it, hold it. If you can’t quite feel it at first, tense the fingers a bit, change size until you can feel it, you’ll know when you have it. As you meditate on the tulpa (in this case), imagine the feelings and vibes entering the ball, and the ball IS the tulpas’ mind. Once you reach the state you want, you should be able to feel the ball and the vibe it emits on your own, you should be able to expand and close the ball, and feel resistance as you do so.
Once again a large gap between meditations and visualizations, I aplogize to readers, my tulpa, and myself. Work has been tiring and medicine (anxiety) has been making concentration difficult. I just finished another attempt at visualization, and will list progresses made here.
LOG 5: 03/22/2012 1:05 AM
I decided to begin the process the same way my last successful attempt had gone, with no lights on, sitting Indian Style on my bed with one sheet down, white noise playing through ear buds, with my eyes shut tight. The only change is I bought some more incense, and I had some of it burning while I focused. I went for scents that were for general focus, so that when I start focusing on the scent of my tulpa I won’t have ‘strawberry’ scented incense interfering, instead using scents for the incense that are musky, with names that aren’t pertaining to any distinct scent such as ‘relaxation’ and ‘meditation’.
I started the process by greeting Scratch, apologizing for the wait. I then began focusing on the personality, using the ‘ball’ technique again. I quickly was able to feel her presence, and managed to get a good, powerful vibe from her. This only took around five minutes, and I’m quite happy with how this turned out.
Next I returned to the visualization process. I did this much the same as I did last time, but I focused on using my hands more, feeling every nook and cranny of the face first, I focused heavily on the eyes, and asked her to shut them for a while so I could feel the lids. Anything to try and get her eyes visible. The muzzle gave some issues as well, I’d frequently have to feel around her face to get the details correct. The ears and mane are much easier to visualize now, with the strands brushing against my fingers when I roll my hand through her hair around the horn. I also felt both front legs, and focused on the ways the joints could move. I lifted her front hoof up, felt the underside (slightly rougher than the feltlike fur that covers the rest of her body) then I had her turn to the side. The other side from the last time. Again, I made sure I had the shape of her body correct, from the side of her face, down her neck, where the back arches. I focused on the hind leg particularly, the joint is … difficult to keep in focus. Nevertheless I continued feeling out every bump and ridge. Pausing occasionally to try and take in the whole image. I was able to get flashes, but again not as steady as it needs to be.
From there I asked her to turn around to focus on the flank. I start with the tail, where it starts to the tip, I have it swivel a bit, with thick fur like her mane. From there I focused on the hind legs, again with difficulty considering the angle and joints. Making sure I still had a full ‘three dimensional’ figure, I rubbed my hands down both of her sides near the front legs, and was still able to feel the whole figure. I didn’t focus on any sexual organs and the like, I’m well aware of the cautions of any sexual focus towards a tulpa. However, I’m also viewing this as a creation of life, even if it is just from my subconscious, and to deprive my tulpa of such seemed cruel as well (if you’ve ever read a series called Chobits you’ll understand what I mean). I’ve decided that I would instead let my tulpa decide on the more intimate details as these processes continue. It seemed the most humane way to approach the subject.
I had her turn to face me again, and this time I tried to look at her from multiple angle, and had pretty good success. I was very pleased when I asked her to turn that she was able to do so herself and that I could see her quite clearly. Feeling a bit drained, I thanked her for the time, and explained that I would continue talking with her as I can, and would try and get another session in soon. Overall I consider this a success, though I’m still hung up on a few details. Nevertheless I will continue focusing and hopefully everything will turn out all right.
Hello Tumblr, this is Estee, from here on out all my log entries are not prewritten, but written straight to this tumblr. I’ve just finished a forty-five minute session where I began again from the start taking ideas I’ve learned previously, and am pleased to say I’ve found a good amount of success.
LOG 4: 03/15/2012 5:43 AM
First I formed the personality, I know with Tulpas the common concept is to visualize a box and to imagine your ‘emotions’ releasing into it, thus forming the personality of the tulpa. I used a meditative technique that’s done wonders for me previously instead tonight, forming a ball of energy in my hands and focusing entirely on it. (It’s hard to explain quite how this works, but it’s very effective, google or ask me if you want more information) Once I felt I had a powerful ball of energy that was difficulty to push any tighter, I began to work. I spoke in whisper as I worked repeating the phrases that will be the base for my Tulpa, Scratch.
- "Calm, composed"
- "Friendly, laid-back, easy-going."
- "A bit mischievious, with a love of all music and art."
- "Very quick to vocalize any pleasure or displeasures you have."
- "A companion to be by my side through thick and thin, as I will be for you in turn."
I chanted these phrases over and over, releasing the emotions that felt the equivalent of the sayings into the ball I had formed, feeling it grow larger and harder to hold as I focused more and more on it. After a good amount of time I felt the ball begin to soften, and felt that I had put enough focus into the personality for now for fear of overloading Scratch. I tightened the ball (it didn’t resist very much this time) and set it to my chest, allowing it to rest and grow within me.
From there, I explained to my as-of-now undeveloped tulpa that I would need a few seconds before I would reattempt visualization. I can feel a presence already listening, it’s soft, but there. From there I set a twelve hour track of white noise to play softly in my earbuds, allowing me to focus strictly on visualization. After a bit of time trying to get a good start with my eyes opened, my eyes closed, lights on and off, I finally found the way that allowed me to focus.
I sat Indian Style on my mattress, all lights off, with my eyes closed (and tightened when I had to focus on little details) and I imagined Scratch standing before me. It was a blurry image and often faded to black, but I was able to get flashes here and there of what I wanted. Not quite there yet, I reached my hands forward, where Vinyl’s cheeks would be. I focused, using my hands (my physical hands, mind you), I felt around her face, her muzzle, focusing entirely on the shapes that would form her being. While doing so, I felt the feltlike fur of her face. And I gently brought her closer to me, so I could make out the small gray lip under her nose, the gentle bump of her snout, the leathery insides of her delicate ears. The more solid but still furry horn that rested between her eyes. I had her face, then I began to rub my hands down her neck, keeping it shapely, together, in form. I felt up again, and the face was still there, I could feel the energies holding her form together, even if I couldn’t see them perfectly I could see the details. I began whispering in great detail every part of her as I felt it, “You have a horn about five inches long protruding from between your eyes, it has two rings around it, but is sturdy and pyramid-like, your thick hair passes under it a bit over your left eye, then over it into a messy mane that passed halfway over your right eye and down your neck.”
I explained these details. I had difficulty with the eyes, so I eventually focused on just the eyes, asking her to come closer so I could focus. I could see the eyes individually, bright crimson eyes that would gaze from side to side, blink occasionally, roll up and down. I could barely make out the lashes, but had a bit of difficulty tying them to her face more or less. This is something I will have to focus on with more force in later meditations. From there I felt her front hooves, made sure I had the shape clear in mind, how thick they were, and where they met her underside. I felt behind her ears and rubbed my hands down her neck, noting where the arch of her back starts until I couldn’t reach any further. I asked Scratch to turn around, and helped her do so. I could now vaguely see her from the side. From there I continued with my eyes shut using my hands to ‘mold’ her, rubbing her front hooves into place, measuring her stomach, her back and backside, where the tail starts, her back hooves and the arch they make. I could still feel the felt-like fur of her and a warmness, I could see the note on her flank.
I was beginning to grow exhausted at this point, and it grew harder and harder to focus. I gave a bit more work into the mane and tail but finally had to apologize, I thanked Scratch for giving me time and cooperating, explaining that I will make sure her body is perfect when the time is ready and then let her return to me. I am writing this immediately after the experience while it’s all fresh in my head. While there are some rough spots, I consider this an excellent success, I will be using the white noise and the feeling technique from here on out as while as eventually adding in other qualities such as scent, the texture of her mane and tail, and hopefully get her eyes situated. It’s been a great night tonight.
Log: On another note, I have decided that with work and my reversed schedule, I will need set times per day to work on my tulpa, I can’t be taking days off due to exhaustion or I’ll lose it I fear. So from now on my goal is do tulpa focus twice every 24 hour period. Possibly at 8 am (this will be a short shift as this will be soon after I get home from my eight hour shift) and again for a decent period of time before leaving for work (possibly 4 pm in the woods). On day/nights off I intend to do even more work than usual to make sure my tulpa is always somewhere in my head and I don’t lose what I’ve gotten.
NOTE: It is from this point on all log entries will be written with Tumblr in mind, and that I have the idea of Vinyl Scratch in mind. I will try to write three to four times a week if possible.
Day 2: 03/08/2012 05:43 pm
Log: I’ve spent an hour meditating, but had to stop. I’m unable to visualize anything or keep my thoughts focused in this house. There is too much noise, too many external issues to keep me from fully getting into my head. I had a few moments where I could vaguely feel the ‘vibes’ I wanted my Tulpa to have, that laid-back calmness, cool-headedness. But they were in short bouts and I couldn’t hold it. When trying to form the Tulpa, I could for the most part get a blurry image from a side angle, but on trying to turn it I’d keep losing details, I blame a majority on this on too much background noise and distractions. If I’m to see success, it’s a necessity that I find somewhere completely void of talking and people so I can focus properly.
Once deciding that I would use Vinyl Scratch as the model for my Tulpa, multiple images have helped me focus on her, this being one of the ones I frequently refer to to reflect the cool, composed personality I’ve been composing.
NOTE: This was written a few days ago before I knew what form I wanted my tulpa to take and the first three entries were mostly experimenting and thinking. They are to be taken with a grain of salt
Day 1: 03/07/2012 05:56 pm
Feelings for Tulpa to emit: Being prone to mood changes, depression, and the like; my tulpa should emit calming feelings, be calm and composed under pressure. Basically serve as a companion to help me keep my cool in harder times and to help me stay orderly and in control. Go with the flow, with a laid back sense of humor.
Physical Traits: Quadrupedal with feltlike white fur. Heavily subject to change on beginning meditation. Wolflike?
Wonderland: Unclear on this subject and how best to approach it, on beginning meditation tomorrow I will probably start with a white void and add what seems to best fit the Tulpa. Possibly a nice library with recliners and dim lights, a relaxing atmosphere.
Log: I’ve decided to pursue the creation of my own Tulpa for a personal companion to help me keep emotional control and to keep myself calm during anxiety attacks, for friendship, and to keep life interesting. I also want to create a Tulpa for the sake of the experience, to see just how far the human mind can stretch reality and alter it accordingly. However my goal overall is to focus on the creation itself, as entering the process with a skeptical mindset is bound to end in failure. I will begin meditating on the psychological traits of the tulpa tomorrow after resting (and making sure I have a clear head) somewhere isolated and calm, like deep in a forest, the attic, anywhere where I can focus in silence. I would begin today, but as I have work in four hours it seems unwise as this process could take anywhere from a wide range of times, so I have heard from my research and I do not want to rush a single detail.
I am about to post my log so far that I’ve used to keep track of creating my personal Tulpa in the form of Vinyl Scratch. This will exist to help others who are trying to create Tulpas get another perspective on the process, as well as to help me track my own process as well. First and foremost, IF you are creating a tulpa and want a community to help you with it, feel free to join:
This is a community that exists to help others that are working at creating their own tulpas, and holds discussions and the like. From here on I will be posting images that have helped me form my tulpa as well as in depth detail on my meditations, breakthroughs, and possibly mistakes.